I'll be honest here and say that there are some times throughout the day that I feel like other people aren't really real. Somehow my mind has created this entire world for me to run around in and interact with others. It's a strange feeling, but it comes and it goes.
Yesterday was Ryan's birthday. Throughout most of the day I didn't really feel much like his boyfriend. Instead, I felt like a babysitter, a maid, and, for the lack of better terminology, a slave.
When we went to sleep after the party on Friday night, Ryan's friend, Brent, wanted to sleep in the bed -- leaving Ryan and me to have the decision of which one of us sleeps on the couch. As I wasn't really in the mood for people that night (as you can tell from the previous post), I offered to sleep on the couch. The boyfriend on the couch because "the guest sleeps in the bed," according to Ryan.
Fuck no. The guest sleeps on the couch or another bed if one is available. Bitch does not take my bed.
Eventually Brent was kicked out of the room, thankfully. However, when I woke up I was given the task to make sure Brent was "taken care of" so Ryan could go birthday shopping with a friend. What the fuck? Is he four years-old? He can take care of himself. Luckily, his friends called and he went out with them for the day. However, my task was then to do the laundry and hang it up (pain. in. the. ass.) and get the crazy dusty desk ready for the new computer. After that, I lug a crap-ton of random items needed for Saturday night's party to the bar.
Then at the party, I pretty much don't have time to talk to anyone for more than 5 minutes total, because Ryan has me running around the entire time. Not like that's the frustrating part, I don't mind because it's his birthday, but I didn't even get a thank you out of it. His friend's came up to me and thanked me before they left, which I thought was weird seeing as how half his friends don't like me because I'm not "cute like them."
Also, bought Ryan a crazy expensive cake, and he runs around and takes pictures with the cake and all his friends. I'm taking all the pictures and when he's done, he doesn't even take one with me. Okay... But then a few hours later (...yeah) before we were about to cut it up, I "thank" Ryan for taking a picture with me and the cake.
And once again, Brent. Piss. Me. Off. He slept with us in the bed last night. I'm still so fucking pissed off about that. He also kept going on and on about how he thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him and how it bothers him or something. Yet, he goes and cheats on her all the time. God. Just fucking retarded people everywhere.
Anyways, that was my weekend. I'm so tired. I hate people.
Last Updated on Friday, 03 July 2009 13:59
Society
Written by Bobby
Friday, 26 June 2009 13:53
"Do you want to be hurt, too? Do you want your hear to feel like it's being scraped with a rasp? If you do, don't look away, whatever you do." -Serial Experiments Lain, Episode 8: Rumors
Do you remember hearing this? I do. It's one of the few quotes that still disturbs me, even now. While it may be from a Japanese animation (all of which I'm not too interested in -- anime, I mean), it echoed throughout my mind tonight. Seeing things that I don't want to see. Hearing things that I don't want to hear. Experiencing the selfishness of humans in the rawest of forms.
Tonight was Ryan's birthday party. As he has a lot of friends and could never really invite them all to his birthday party in previous years, he held this year's party in the bar. A lot of people came... straight, gay, what-have-you...
After everyone was pretty much drunk (except for Ryan and me), some guys pretty much -- no, not pretty much, they took advantage of a drunk girl to the point of "titty fucking." She was married and one of the guys has a steady girlfriend. It greatly irked me. More than irked... more than disturbed... I'm not sure what the word is.
I also heard all these stories about Ryan and how he used to sleep around... a lot. This coupled with an agreement I was pretty much pushed into really just makes my entire body feel hollow, but at the same time filled with abrasiveness.
I want to puke. I want to cry. I want to sleep.
Last Updated on Friday, 03 July 2009 13:58
Happiness Pt. 2
Written by Bobby
Saturday, 18 April 2009 09:56
More time on my hands in this damn bar, so might as well make another blog entry.
It's just frustrating for me. This whole relationship. I feel like he really doesn't appreciate what I do for him. I do one thing, he wants something else. I do the dishes, he then wants a massage. I make his business cards, he then wants a flier "ASAP." It's a little disheartening -- especially because he tries to give me money sometimes. Am I really the boyfriend or just the pocket-helper? Sometimes I really don't know which, and, of course, it bothers me. On top of that, he wanted me to come to his bar tonight -- again -- so I did. Even though I have to study, I came to spend time with him anyways. Yet, he doesn't seem to care that I'm not able to study in this place, and that I'm putting my grades in jeopardy right now. Just beyond frustrating that I'm totally re-arranging my life for him, but it doesn't seem to matter.
The smoking is also disgusting me to an insane point. I'm really not sure how much longer I can hold out with it. I don't want a boyfriend who's dependent on such an idiotic little death stick to get through the day.
Outside of Ryan, I'm just getting really fed up with the whole "gay scene." These people think that just because I'm gay I'm in love with Kelly Clarkson or whatever. I'm not. I'm sitting here listening to "Medication" by Garbage. I'm not like you people. I'm not going to brand myself as the annoying ass, flaming, pop-loving, smoking, crack-addicted, fruit cake like the rest of them. I'm not going to fall into some black line and proclaim myself as gay. I'm gay because I have a sexual interest in men. Not because of whatever the hell my other interests are.
